Instrument of Peace

Today is our last day in Poland. This means that it is also the day we will visit Auchwitz. When we departed this morning I could not have prepared myself. The shear amount of stuff that was stolen is incredible. I almost broke down in tears at the sight of the children's clothing, and the suitcases, many of which belonged to children younger than eight years old. Today was a day for mourning. I was unprepared to see the similarities between the holding/torture cells of the Holocaust and the slave trade out of Ghana. I was not expecting to see a crematorium or gas chamber and then walk through them. I could feel the emptiness in that place. I wondered how people felt walking in there and if they knew they were walking to their death. Chills ran through me.

As we made the switch to Birkenau, again I was shocked by the scale. So many barracks full of so many people. I was horrified to see the barracks for what they really were, stables. I was moved by Dr. Kellerman's question about where the Hungarian women were kept and then to see him looking out, knowing he has a connection there. I was almost brought to tears again while Dr. Kellerman prayed for his family and I cried when we all said Kaddish over the ash pits.
I am so grateful for this trip, for our work and for the new and deeper understanding I have of the Holocaust. I know that nothing will be able to compare to this experience. Going from where the Jewish community lived and worked, where their families were respectfully buried, to where they were senselessly murdered, was very difficult, but necessary. Those people have become my people, and I understand now that they very easily could be.

This trip has become my awakening and strengthening to change the world. I pray that God will keep my resolve strong as I go out and that I will never forget. As I share the story of this trip with my friends and family, I hope that they too will be changed and moved to make this world a better and safer place. I am thankful for all of my professors and guides on this trip. They have added meaning to the down time and have encouraged my growth, both as a student and as a spiritual being. I pray that God is with us all and using us all as active instruments of peace.

Hitting Home

Today was our first full day in Krakow. I decided to wake up early this morning and attend the service at the local synagogue. I have been to a few Jewish services before, growing up in West Bloomfield, but not an Orthodox synagogue. I, along with everyone else, was very confused for the first 30 or so minutes. After that however, things began to run more along the lines of other services. I was amazed by the apparent age of the building. Dr. Kellerman made the observation that services must have been conducted in this fashion, in this room, for a very, very long time. This religious community has roots which are unfathomably deep. The reading from the Torah and the prayer for the sick was beautiful, every word with perfect pitch and harmony. After the service we ran into a British man who pointed out the cemetery adjacent to the synagogue. He explained how many of the tombstones were destroyed by the Nazi's and used as roads and doorsteps.
As soon as we returned to the Hotel it was time to head out on our tour of Krakow. The tour was fantastic, it was refreshing, after our last tour, to have a tour guide that was very knowledgeable of Jewish life. When we went to dinner, I had some time to discuss the tour and its impact on me with Dr. Kellerman. I told him about my hometown and how a good number of my friends from when I was growing up, were Jewish. My hometown is actually a very strong Jewish population center. My neighbors to the left and right are Jewish and even though they are the second family to live in both since I've been there, those homes have always belonged to Jewish families. On every street there is at least one synagogue, then a church, then another synagogue. There are even multiple synagogues at some intersections. Dr. Kellerman said that the Jewish community in West Bloomfield is very similar to what the community in Wrocław would have looked like. That thought, combined with all of the history and culture that was pointed out on our tour, really brought the Holocaust home for me. Given the difference in time and country, that could have been my neighbors. The statistics have always been known to me, but never before have I been able to add a face, an emotion, a life to the atrocity.
I do not know how I will handle Auchwitz tomorrow. I pray for strength so that I am able to take it all in and not collapse from the immense weight of it all. When we go, I hope I am able to see these victims as my neighbors, my friends and my family, because that is very well what they may have been. I hope I find the courage to ensure that the horrors of the past are never visited upon my neighbors. Tonight I lit a candle after prayer at the church on the corner of the Rynek. It was for peace, in all of its meanings.

Special Assignment

Today was our last day in the cemetery. My goal was to push myself as much as possible to get through the big pile of debris still left to burn. As soon as I got started shoveling ash, one of the Polish caretakers came over and told me he wanted me doing something else. He led me to a large burial site. This was the tomb of the Joseph Bergmann family. He then instructed me to fill in the grave. Apparently this tomb was robbed and what was left was a giant hole where the coffin lay. I realized that in order to fill in this grave I had to stand on and remove soil from the family members. Along the way I kept hitting large stones, pieces of the ornate tomb. I wanted very badly to be able to piece them all back together, but quickly realized I had no idea how they all fit. So the best I could do was uncover them and place them on the edge of the burial site. I do not understand how even if you hated someone and thought of them as less than you, how you could still not respect the life that existed and the dead. Finding and removing beer bottles from inside the grave hurt me in a very profound way. I struggle still to understand the destruction, although I feel ready to heal. After finishing my work at that grave site I made my way to a new fire and started clearing as much as I could. I was grateful when we stopped to gather and Dan explained the importance of winding down and saying goodbye. When it came time, I took the photos I needed to take and then found a spot where I could look out at the cemetery and I prayed. I prayed that God would continue to use the destruction we create to help teach and heal. I prayed for this trip, for its mission in the hope that its meaning would extend beyond the walls of the cemetery and into the hearts of many passerby.
Tonight we arrived in Krakow. We got a brief tour from Matt and it seems as though there are a lot of interesting sites in the city. He was right, it is quite beautiful and the stay in a hotel on comfortable beds is a nice reprieve. For now I know I must prepare myself mentally for the end. The tour tomorrow will hopefully be interesting and I am sure that my time spent at Auchwitz will be challenging.
I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have worked in the cemetery. I hope our work has meant something to both the living and the dead. To assure myself all I have to do is to think of Dr. Kellerman. In telling the story of his parents and relating their experiences to our purpose here, has been very moving and something I will never forget.

Ashes and The Breath of Life

Today the alumni group joined us for work. They have seen several Jewish cemeteries, as I understand it, but they have yet to do any work in one. That was interesting to see. I was back to my fire duty again. I enjoy that work and I take pride in the strength and efficiency with which it goes through debris. Before getting started my primary concern was to remove the ash pile from beneath the still burning brush. The ash pile was actually 2/3 of the total fire pile! People began bringing in cart loads of debris very quickly so there was quite the backup! As I began burning through it all, I noticed a light covering of ash around me. Ashes were landing on my head and shoulders as well. I became chilled as I thought of the movie Schindler's List. The scenes where human ashes fall from the sky kept running through my mind. I was reminded of the fires role in the destructive reality of the holocaust. However, here in this cemetery its power is not to destroy human dignity and memory, but to maintain it. That is the crucial difference between all things. It is not always what we generally do, but why we generally do it. The Nazi's burned to destroy and dehumanize. We are burning to respect and recover humanity. The evidence of what is left in both cases is the same; simple ash.
When we returned from work, we had a brief time to clean up before our second book discussion. This one focused on Elie Wiesel's Night. While reading that book I found it complicated to discern where Wiesel stands with God. I wrestled with the part about Akiba Drumer, the man who Wiesel says died because he lost his faith. If only he had kept it a few days longer. I now understand how Elie views God. He sees God in the same way as his father. Something he must desperately hold on to. He is conflicted, however, because he believes that if he lets his father go, life would be easier. Once his father dies, and upon the reflection of many years, Wiesel realizes that, upon his father's death, Wiesel himself becomes like a corpse, dead to the life around him. As much as he may like to let go of God, I think Wiesel realizes that, like Akiba Drumer, he too will perish without God. When asked why he prays, his response is, "why do I breath?" Prayer and a belief in God bring him life, and afford its continuance. I am curious now to see the play that Dr. Kellerman had talked about, where several Rabbis put God on trial. I think the connection between that play and Wiesel would be a good study in humanity's relationship with the divine.

The Pursuit and Reality

Today is our long day of work and I am hoping that we are able to make a serious impact on the ground on which we are working. Today, all of my energy was focused on a new fire that was built. It was my job to maintain the fire, keep it hot and burning through every wheelbarrow full of debris the group brought me. A consequence of this was several new holes in my shirt, from contact with flying embers, and a small burn on my right wrist. They should provide more fun for story telling than any actual cause for concern. Just as I was getting started with the fire, some of the girls uncovered another cobblestone path which cuts through the back portion of what we've been clearing! This is important because it was believed that all of the paths had already been cleared by previous years work. As they got to work uncovering the path, some other people began uncovering shallowly buried tombstones which had fallen over. The morning got off to a very good start.
I was amazed at the amount of material brought to the fire to be burned, and equally amazed at my team's ability to burn through it all. In fact, by the end of the day, we were burning faster than material could be brought in. I am inspired by the efforts of my classmates. They call out the names on the tombstones as they uncover them and I pray that God hears those names and that they are a blessing.
Tonight we met with the Alumni group for dinner. From the few that I talked to, it seems as though they are finding meaning in this trip. I know that it can be a struggle sometimes to feel as connected as you would like when there are clear examples of people around you who just aren't getting it. At the end of the day however, it is not the choices of others which will have the greatest impact on our experiences, it is how we choose to view each situation. It is for this reason that Mallory and I set out again to find the memorial to the old synagogue. On the way, Dr. McWhirter showed us the memorial to the Warsaw ghetto uprising, which is surprising to find in Wrocław. Although it took some time, we did find the old synagogue memorial. It is tucked away, positioned behind some unattractive residential or commercial building. Seeing the engraved image of what once was and seeing the reality around me, almost brought me to tears. Each day I feel as though the community that once was becomes more and more real, and that the weight of what was lost, or worse yet, stolen, becomes heavier and heavier.

The Search to Find what was once Lost

Today is our second day of working in the cemetery. The clearing we have made is pretty impressive for spending so few hours (today was a three hour day). I got to work cutting out larger plants with the hatchet and also got to teach a few of my peers how to properly swing one. I was amazed, and still am, by the persistent determination of everyone on the trip. Samantha managed to dig out a tree stump, practically on her own. Mallory and Chelsea managed to find and then assemble the broken face of one of the tombstones, and subsequently discovered a new person with a full name and birth and death dates. Having cleared the area I was working on, I decided to help clear brush and carry it to the nearest fire. Already I see the enormous amount of brush we've cleared, something which is sure to increase. After our work, we headed back to the Hostel to quickly freshen up, and the set out on our tour of Wrocław. I am very grateful for the chance to go on the tour as I am a big history/museum fan. It was incredibly heart breaking to see so many beautiful churches in Wrocław and no synagogues, and then know the reason why.
There is a lot on the tour that I hope to be able to revisit, but I doubt I'll have time for all of it on this trip. Maybe I was expecting there to be more recognition of the old Jewish population than there really is, but I feel as though our tour guide both left out a lot of information about Jewish life and had to be prompted for the information we did get. I know for a fact that he left out the memorial for the synagogue that burned down during the Krystal Nact. After meeting with the Hope Hatikvah group, Mallory and I decided we would try to find the memorial. The meeting with Hope Hatikvah was interesting, but the conversation regarding the connection between our two groups was short lived, at least where I was sitting. The conversation was more about learning Polish and American culture.
Our search for the monument was unsuccessful. Eventually we decided we should head back and get ready for bed. Today has been incredibly busy and the rest will be welcomed. Tomorrow is our long work day, one which I look forward to. A part of me still wonders how different this city, this community would be without the Holocaust, without the senseless death of so many.

A little Change

Today got off to a very chilly and wet start. Today was our first day in the cemetery, and today was our first book discussion. After some delay in getting into the cemetery, we got an impressive tour from the man who runs the whole operation. After our hour long tour, we got to work clearing a section of the cemetery. Some pulled weeds and cleared brush, others carted that plant matter to the awaiting fires, and other carefully maintained the fires. My duty was the first. While I was raking up dead leaves behind a particularly stubborn log, Drew came over and stated that he thought he'd try raking as he hadn't done that yet. I quickly, sarcastically, remarked "Oh, you'll love it! It'll change your world!" His response took me a moment to process. He replied, "That's what I'm hoping." It was that simple response that I found so profound. Simple and honest, it revealed truths to me I found embarrassing not to have thought before. That reply should have been obvious to me, especially after what we learned on the tour. As it turns out the efforts that have been carried out through this mission have attracted a lot of attention, and, consequently, brought a lot of people closer to their long lost loved ones. The man who primarily runs the cemetery gave us our extensive tour because he now had a few personal stories of people coming to the cemetery and finding their family member's formally buried grave.
He also told us that the work being done here has attracted the attention of the Polish government and the EU, and they are now looking into funding, at least some of the restoration, partially due to the UEFA EURO championship being held in Poland in 2012. It is incredible to be a part of a simple mission that has become such a large movement. To know that I will have played a part, small as it may be, in something so phenomenally powerful, but more importantly good, is something I have yet to completely grasp. With this new found realization, I immediately got back to work!
It was revealed to our group that we may in fact work beyond noon, for more than a total of three hours. I was elated with this, as I knew that our potential level of accomplishment would increase dramatically. Today, however, we did not end up working much past noon on account of constant and heavy rain. When we got back to the Hostel we had a short clean-up break and then gathered to discuss J.T. Gross's Neighbors. Our discussion was very interesting and it seemed as though everyone had something insightful to say. It left me thinking about the human tragedy that occurred in that book, how someone can be driven to kill another so viciously. It also left me thinking of solutions. Tomorrow will be another day of work, probably harder than today, but I will gladly settle for raking, because it is my hope to change to world.

Unfair and Unjust

Since I heard about, and was accepted into the Holocaust Service Learning Project, I have anxiously awaited this trip. I say anxious because my emotions were both excited and nervous. I was excited for the opportunity to be a part of something larger than myself and I was nervous about how the reality of it all would affect me. When I finally got here my mind had some catching up to do, as overnight flights tend to be somewhat draining. As I was walking back from the Rynek, Mallory said something that jump started my mind. She said she felt strange walking where thousands of people should have walked and where countless more may have existed and lived out their lives. She mentioned how unfair it seemed that she would be able to be there, and they not. She wondered how she should be feeling about all of that. This got me thinking about the enormity of the tragedy that happened around us. I'm sure that will be more fully fleshed out as the week continues. She brings an interesting perspective. As I continued walking I could picture people on their way to a kosher market, or walking to/from synagogue. I can imagine a thriving Jewish population, plenty of people living out their faith, living their lives, and all having precious worth. However, the reality is clear. There remain only several hundred Jews here now, and they are a declining demographic. That reality hits me hard. To answer Mallory's question; I think that, at the present time, in the big picture; no, it is not fair. However, the individual can wield a great deal of power in the long run. While the fact that there are countless fewer lives on this earth because of the Holocaust is in no way fair or just, there is hope for tomorrow. I am surrounded by a group of people who are not only willing to listen and learn, but also reflect on themselves, and do their part to make the world a better place. Because of them, countless lives may be saved.

Coming Soon

I'm sorry I've been out for some time now, things have been extremely busy. This past summer I was living in Detroit and working as an Intern for Crossroads and Young Leaders Initiative. That experience has led me to fall in love with Detroit. There's a lot of work to be done in that city, but it's full of hard working, good people. I will be leaving for Poland on the 9th, a service trip through my college that seeks to reconcile the horrors of the Holocaust by keeping the memories of families murdered, during the Holocaust, alive. We will be working in a Jewish cemetery, clearing the brush and rectifying lost gravestones. This is important because the preservation and dignity of the body is very important to Jewish tradition. Since the relatives of those graves we will be working with have all been killed, no one who would normally care for the graves exists. To honor those murdered in the Holocaust we will carry out the task of maintaining that hallowed ground in their stead. I will set a link to the blog for that trip as soon as I can, and hopefully I will be able to maintain my own thoughts here. I will return from Europe on the 28th, and hopefully move in to Detroit shortly after. Stay tuned.